Dan vs Ponies
by Chris Gammon
Summary: How he wound up here, he doesn't know.  But what he does know, is that he doesn't like it.


Oh, to overthrow the humdrum reality. To bask in the warm glow of fire in the sky, watching as the streets ran red with blood and those who survived pledged allegiance to your cause and brought you turkey sandwiches at your beck and call. Where everything was a paradise because everything made you happy, regardless of how it made everyone else feel. It was a dystopian viewpoint, but only to those who continued to be content with their lives in the boring machine of reality.  
>Dull, predictable, reality. Surrounded by the jerks, snobs, and the downtrodden who are content with their place in the world and aspire for nothing more. To those huddling masses, paradise would be a vastly different world. One of endless blue skies, and cheery sunshine, and rainbows. Can't forget the rainbows. But it always stood to reason, that one man's heaven was another man's hell. Today was no exception to that phrase, as it began with closing his eyes in one reality, and opening them in another.<p>

He was sure he wasn't dead, as the boiling in his stomach so cruelly pointed out. All his senses were intact as they were assaulted from all angles with everything gaudy and garish he could imagine. It was a heaven to everyone but him, and that was it's biggest mistake. Not that he outright hated it. It had it's charm, and just like the world he left, had it's problems. There were the same jerks, snobs, and aspiration-less downtrodden; but they were bizarrely mixed into the fabric of the complete opposite of the world he had came to know and despise.  
>Perhaps that was it. He didn't hate the place, he hated the familiar feeling. The reminder that no matter where he goes, the same grind of reality will be absolute and escape is futile. But he was not one to surrender to the whims of the machine. He would either fight to liberate this deserving land from the toils he so tried to escape; or destroy it out of mercy. If he couldn't liberate the inhabitants of this world from their tyranny, he would at least make their transition as painless as possible. He did have a soft spot for animals; after all, they were better than people.<p>

Yes, as much as he felt it was his duty to overthrow the ironclad rule reality held over this land; to erase that familiar and despised feeling of elitism and politics that he left behind; the pink pony in his face blowing a party horn wasn't helping to influence his decision. He could sense the pony meant well in her actions, but he wasn't in the mood for it. No one should be that happy, at least, without being insane. The twisting of his stomach was a confusing mass of anger, jealousy, and the strange urge to give in and play along. Maybe he _should_ take her advice and smile. After all, a smile was something only drawn from him at the sight of things that would probably make this little pony faint or have nightmares for years. As cruel as he seemed, he couldn't bring himself to scar the little pony like that. She deserved better, which is what he couldn't provide.  
>What he could provide, was freedom. How this pony could be so happy with all the obvious signs around her was a puzzle to figure out later. Though he didn't know how he got here, or where here was; he did know that he had a chance. A chance to fulfil the fantasy he never could do in his world. A chance to mould this world into one that revolved only around him.<br>Yes...The only way to get what you want, is to get it yourself. Perhaps he _would _enjoy it here after all.

The pink pony had exhausted all her options at getting the man to smile. She never seen such a strange creature before, and could not comprehend his immunity to her charms. Even the bag of flour trick that worked so many times for little foals, had no affect on this alien who seemed to frown harder at her advances. She could see his fist quivering, his lip trembling as sweat formed on his brow. His face a scowl of darkness that she had only once seen herself when she was really sad. Maybe he was really sad? What could Pinkie do to cheer him up? Maybe a welcome party, with cake and balloons and streamers!

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!"

The man blinked, looking over at the pink pony as if trying to find the person behind her talking. Did that tiny horse just speak? Sure seemed like it. That was the last thing he needed.  
>"I've never seen you around here before, because I know everypony in Ponyville! Maybe I can throw you a super-super-awesome party to welcome you to Ponyville and make all kinds of friends. Though some might be afraid of you, never seeing something like you and all...HEY! We can make a party out of learning about where you came from! Then we can tell stories about..."<p>

_Oh my god, she won't shut up..._The man no longer cared about the strange sight of a talking pony. All he desired now was for this talking pony to shut up. It was then Pinkie chose the most inopportune time to attempt her new comedy routine.  
>Any motivation he had to overtake this land to reshape in his image, was buried under the sudden rush of anger at this pink pony next to him. Not only was she way to happy for his liking, she was also the embodiment of the elements he hated in his world. Annoying, insensitive, and downright insane. This...Ponyville can wait, it won't go anywhere. However, this pony shall feel his wrath. He was sure that someone of her calibre would be the one to revolt against him, and was also sure that he could accomplish nothing with her around. Her very existence was a hurdle that had to be overcome if he were to attempt his goal.<p>

Yes...his revenge would be sweet...

Thrusting his fists into the air, he took a deep breath in anticipation for the ritual to come. He always felt so motivated at such a display, and now made it a point to use this action to convey his annoyance. He went to shout, but froze as his eyes opened wide. He glanced over to the still smiling pony.  
>"What was your name again?" The man asked, his voice a mix of confusion and embarrassment.<br>"Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie chirped, bouncing on her hooves excitedly. "What's your name?"  
>The man took a deep breath once more, ready this time to openly proclaim his current grievance.<p>

" PPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!"

"No way! That's my name too!" Pinkie replied, pointing to herself with a hoof.


End file.
